i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
