she woke up with a sticky ear
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
