apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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