Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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