Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
