btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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