hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
