ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
