I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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