You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
