I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
