so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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