she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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