I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
