how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
