I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
