I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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