I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
