my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
