i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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