how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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