New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
