My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
