Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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