just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
