My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
