Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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