Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
