alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i dont even know how to be here
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I did not marry a roomba.
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