ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
