In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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