i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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