Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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