bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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