Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
