the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
