Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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