Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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