i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize