I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
