yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize