Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
