Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
