I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
