No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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