We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
