he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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