I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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