the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
