Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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