fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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