so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
