I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
