I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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