Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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