You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize