Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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