After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
