You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
