Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
