I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
