i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
