see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
