Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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