The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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