So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
