I wish i was in the wii world.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
