am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Randomize