Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
