The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This baby is an asshole
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
