i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
