No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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