I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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