First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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