Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
