eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
