Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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