Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize