took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
