I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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