god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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