i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
