hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
