Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
